I have decided that the fiscal cliff interactions between Obama and the Republican leadership are clearly a dance. What is unclear is whether this dance is simply a “mosh pit” of stumbling morons or actually a beautifully disguised and brilliantly choreographed ballet. While I am praying for the latter, I am preparing for the former (as St. Augustine advised, “Pray like everything depends on God, but work as though everything depends on you“).
MOSH PIT ?
BRILLIANT CHOREOGRAPHY ?
In an effort to decipher which of these dances is actually taking place, I have just placed a bug in the White House negotiating room, and am eagerly awaiting the clues.
These are the clever tells I will be listening for:
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Evidence of the Mosh Pit:
Obama: “I won the election. Taxes are going up. Screw entitlement reform.”
Boehner: “We don’t have a revenue problem; we have a spending problem. We can’t hurt the job-creators.”
Obama: “I won the election. Taxes are going up. Screw entitlement reform.”
Boehner: “We don’t have a revenue problem; we have a spending problem. We can’t hurt the job-creators.”
Obama: “You One-Percenter!”
Boehner: “Marxist Kenyan!”
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Evidence of the Well-Disguised & Brilliantly-Choreographed Dance:
Obama: (…whispering…) “Can anyone hear us?”
Boehner: “No. We’re clear.”
Obama: “OK. Just like we agreed. Tomorrow, I will publicly attack you and make a pathetic opening offer. Remember to beat your chest and tell America how disappointed you are in me. We then bicker like children for two weeks, letting our fringe elements think we are battling for them to the bitter end. At the last minute, we will reach that Grand Bargain, all the while telling our supporters how courageously we fought for our core beliefs (sounds of knee-slapping heard…). We then both declare victory and play golf. I’ll tell my Liberals that Republicans finally caved on taxes, and you’ll tell your Conservatives that you finally forced real entitlement reform.”
Boehner: “Sounds great. Can I still call you a Socialist once or twice? It will really help.”
Obama: “No problem. One more game of Parcheesi before you go?”
Boehner: “OK, but this time I go first. Baby needs new shoes!”
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I am really, really hoping I hear the word Parcheesi…
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the politically challenged 